Symbolism of Flowers
by Vanity-chan
Summary: “Why would a man give a woman a… symbolic vagina!” –-The meaning of flowers has never been more perverted than this. SasuSaku.


Authoress: And because I had fun with Confessions and A Screwed-up Proposal, I'm _**(for real this time)**_ coming out of my comfort zone to give you this.

_WARNING: __**Major OOCness**__, like, EVERY single character I used (especially Sakura and Sasuke, I think). __**CRACK**__. __**Crappy fluff**__ at the end. Kind of __**rushed**__ too! Ideas taken from some researching about flowers (Wikipedia)._

Prompts: flowers, betting, courting, spying, beret, fashion guru, feminism.  
"Otouto, seriously, you're scaring the shit out of me."  
That's a lot of fucking.

By Mimi-onee-san and Ren-chan (Ren became her nickname because she loves Ren from Nana) who refused to give their usernames. -_- Some parts of the story came from them. :D

Enjoy.

Oh. It's STRONG T because of mention of some… _disturbing_ things. Also rated for language.

* * *

Symbolism of Flowers  
By: Vanity-chan

_Which involves Naruto winning a bet, Itachi becoming a fashion guru, Sakura hating flowers and Sasuke saying,. "Why would a man give a woman a… symbolic vagina?!" –The meaning of flowers has never been more perverted than this._

* * *

…

…

"Otouto, seriously, you're scaring the shit out of me."

Sasuke glared at his older brother, not liking the tone of his voice. At. All. He was so not in the mood and Itachi's presence was just making it worse.

The older Uchiha looked every inch like someone enjoying a very hilarious show, smirking smugly and comfortably in his seat.

Sasuke was one hilarious show according to him.

_No one can make fun of an Uchiha! Damn--_

Glare. And then more glares.

_Obviously_. Making. Fun. Of. Him.

"Oh, come on, _my favorite little brother_. Stop that. You obviously need help."

_Shamelessly_. Making. Fun. Of. Him!

_--it all to hell. _

_Well, unless that person is an Uchiha too._

"…Shut up, _Nii-chan_." The last word was laced with thick sarcasm pulled off in the poised, cool and calm kind of way that only an Uchiha can do.

Older brother chuckled and patted little brother's back affectionately. He wore a grin too smug for little brother's tastes. And it did not make little brother feel any better.

Little brother's glare intensified. He scowled a scowl that belonged to him and only him.

"You're nervous."

Scowl.

"I'm not."

Chuckle.

"You are."

Deeper frown.

"I said. I'm. Not. Nervous."

Another chuckle.

"Whatever you say."

"Hn. Just fuck off."

Oooooh. Touchy much?

Nah. Little brother's just panicky, that's all. And older brother seemed to find that _totally_ amusing.

Especially when little brother is getting all panicky and anxious over something as trivial as _courtship_.

So not Uchiha Sasuke's forte.

_Courtship__:(__**noun**__) the traditional dating period before engagement and __**marriage**__. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. It includes activities such as dating where couples go together for a dinner, a movie, dance parties, or in general "hanging out."_

Uh-huh. Apparently, it's Uchiha Sasuke's first time courting a girl.

And more…

_Dating__: (__**noun**__) is any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an __**intimate relationship**__ or as a __**spouse**__._

And here he was, thinking that Uchiha Sasuke---

He sighed as he stared at his otouto.

--was _homosexual_.

Looks like Naruto will be ten thousand yen and five bowls of ramen richer than him. He was so sure of winning the bet too.

…

…

"_Are you kidding? Sasuke-teme? Homosexual? It's impossible, I tell you. I know that he's getting down and dirty with Sakura-chan since I—"_

"_Oh? I thought he was getting down and dirty with you."_

"_Not cool, Itachi-san. Definitely not cool."_

"_I try."_

"_I'm betting five bowls of ramen that Sasuke-teme will get laid soon, and Sakura-chan will take care of that."_

"_Five bowls of ramen?"_

"…"

"…_At least ten thousand yen to make everything exciting."_

"_T-Ten thous-sand yen?!"_

"_Yes, why?"_

"…"

"_Unless you're hiding the truth from me and my brother really is getting down and dirty with you, th—"_

"_F-Fine! Ten thousand yen and five bowls of ramen, dattebayo!"_

"_Deal."_

…

…

Oh, well. Losing ten thousand yen was nothing _(he's fuhreakin' rich anyway)_ compared to seeing Uchiha Sasuke pacing nervously, clasping and unclasping his fingers nervously, racking his brain nervously, and well, so… goddamn nervous.

Over a _girl_ of all things _(or genders, more likely)_.

You get his drift.

His thoughts were interrupted by Sasuke muttering an "I'm leaving," with a slam of the door.

He swore he saw the ruined hinges and a perfectly straight crack on the middle of the wooden door. Maybe Sasuke can read minds and knew what he was thinking about?

"Good luck, otouto. You've gotten yourself a feisty woman."

-

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* * *

-

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Cherry blossoms. Her namesake. Sweet, soft and fragile. _Weak_.

Everything a woman, they say, is supposed to be.

Women are supposed to be protected. Protected by men. They should only stay at home, wash the dishes, do the laundry, clean the house, and all those duties of a housewife.

_Bullshit._

What's wrong with women doing the same things as men anyway? Women and men are of equal status. God made them as counterparts of each other. Hell, even animals are divided into men and women. Can't men fucking shove that in their big heads and understand that simple thought?

Haruno Sakura hates those who are derogatory of females, discriminates and underestimates women… You know, like a _sexist_.

And she hates flowers, even though they're her namesake.

You see, she's grown to be a _feminist_.

Everyone knows that she hates flowers.

Well, except maybe for one Uchiha Sasuke.

Even after she had chased after him when they were little, proclaiming undying love for him _(but now, that's not the case anymore)_, and offering him dates, he still didn't find out about that one little fact.

So… when Sasuke walked into the hospital with a freaking bouquet of flowers _(a big one too)_ in his hand, approached her and thrust the bouquet into her _(definitely __**not**__ waiting)_ arms…

Well, let's just say that she was seething in anger.

"What the fucking fuck, Uchiha?! Flowers? Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm on fucking duty, don't make me angry."

That's a lot of fucking in her little speech _(that sounded so wrong, didn't it?) _and she's the type not to curse everyday.

Sasuke blinked back at the furious woman, inwardly wondering what the hell he had done wrong. And here he was, trying to be romantic, swallowing his pride just to hand her the flowers that he spent his money on, and allowed Ino to squeal in his ears as she chose for the perfect flowers for Sakura.

Okay, so maybe 'seething in anger' was the _bloody understatement_ of the _damn_ year.

"What's wrong with the flowers?"

She glared at the flowers in her arms with absolute disgust and repulsion. Why? Why?! He has some of nerve to ask why! Smoke started coming out of her ears and she almost turned red with fury.

Sometimes, she couldn't even comprehend what part of this egoistic bastard she liked back when they were twelve.

_Sigh._

He was an insensitive jerk who had obviously had someone shove a stick up his ass to turn him into an emotionally and socially constipated bastard.

A cold-hearted man who beats even _Frosty _in the coldness department.

She was starting to wonder too if Uchiha Sasuke was a vampire. You see, the man doesn't even blush! He's so pale and cold and doesn't like to go out often. He looked like he had no blood in his system.

_Does he even have blood?! Or, yeah maybe he does, but maybe he had __**sucked**__ them out of other pe—_

"Sakura? Damn it, Sakura! Answer the question."

Snapping out of her thoughts, she threw the bouquet back at him, turned around, and then marched back into her office.

_Tried_ might be a good word to add, though.

Sasuke's hand enclosed itself around her wrist and roughly turned her around, back to her former position in front of him. He looked obviously irritated, a little embarrassed even, wary of the stares of the bustling people in the hospital.

Especially those nosy, gossiping nurses who apparently found the scene a hot topic to be talked about and text-messaged with their phones for weeks. It's something that would survive the fast-paced world of gossip and scandal, even with the sensational and salacious news coming out everyday.

They're as close to being celebrities as they can get.

He inhaled, telling himself to calm down because nothing was going to happen with both of them losing their patience. "What's the problem with the flowers?" He said.

_With patience that he strived hard to keep and hoped to last--_

"It's symbolism." She paused, taking in his confused face, one of his eyebrows raised at her and his head cocked to the side cutely. He's trying to take this calmly, but she was sure that by the time he hears whatever she was going to say, he's bound to break down or something.

"A plant of the…" She cleared her throat at this. "_female genitalia_."

_--but it never actually lasted._

He seemed to stare at her for a minute.

Sakura watched as his eyebrows started knitting together and veins started popping on his head. His grip on her wrist tightened even more and his shoulders tensed completely.

Or maybe two _(the clock was ticking, along with Sakura's impatiently tapping foot)_…

"What?" He half-whispered, half-growled.

And hell, it sounded so sexy and mysterious; even Sakura would admit that.

His stare was making her utterly comfortable, making her feel like a deer caught in headlights. She looked away, pulling her hand from his tight hold. A nasty bruise was coming, she was sure of it. "It's true."

He looked confused again for some seconds, staring at the flowers he held in disbelief. Different emotions were present in his eyes, but only one stood out.

Aggravation.

And maybe a little of embarrassment too, knowing that the eavesdroppers a couple of feet away heard Sakura's statement and were awfully quiet behind him.

She took the opportunity when he spaced out, walking back to her office and leaving the poor man alone.

Her words echoed in his confused mind. He inwardly cursed himself for his stupidity, for even having the courage to barge into the hospital and give her flowers. Plants of the _female genitalia_, according to her, a doctor, who of course, was pretty much knowledgeable about that… that _thing_.

Snapping out of it, he decided to make things clear once and for all. He walked into what he thought was her office and found her sitting in front of her computer and reaching for the mouse, but she really was not paying attention to what was happening in the computer screen.

He sensed her stiffen just slightly when he closed the door behind him and placed the flowers on her desk.

_There's no backing out now._

He glanced at the window and at the partially closed blinds, before turning to look at her.

She heard him sigh, but she didn't bother tearing her unblinking gaze from the computer screen. She moved to a more comfortable position, leaning back on the leather chair and closing her eyes.

He sighed another time, strangely louder, like he was trying to get her attention subtly.

Sakura rested her chin on her palm, leaning her body sideways and swiveling her chair slightly to look at him. Her deep set, green eyes focused on him. "What now?"

"I don't understand." Sasuke hesitated, shifting his weight on his left foot while staring at the flowers on her table. "Why would a man give a woman a… _symbolic vagina_?!"

"I don't know!" Sakura huffed. She waved her arms as if to make a point. "Maybe because they're expecting _something_, right?"

Everything seemed to click together in his mind, what she was trying to imply, what his little act of giving her flowers supposedly imply, and what she thinks is his motive in giving her the stupid _(now even he hates flowers)_ flowers.

He frowned deeply in response to her question. "I'm not interested in your _goddamn_ vagina, if that's what you're worrying about!"

Sakura's eyes widened considerably.

"Are you saying that I'm unattractive?!"

-

-

* * *

-

-

"You're wearing your beret. Who are you spying today?"

"Oooooh, shut up. I can't concentrate."

"And take off that scarf. You can see it from space."

"What the… Since when have you become a fashion guru?!"

"I haven't, your taste is just disgusting."

Shell-shocked, Naruto can only let his jaw hit the ground and stare at _Itachi_ _(hell yes, it was the older Uchiha who told him that) _who had said the last words monotonously, wearing a serious face, it actually scared him.

"Let's just watch the show, shall we?"

The both of them peered through the window of Sakura's office, the blonde a little jitter-ier than his companion.

Naruto rolled his eyes, looking at Sasuke who just stood there, sighing like there was no tomorrow. "Oh, come on, teme, you can do better than that."

Itachi leaned against the wall with a bored expression. "This is absurd. I think I'll be winning the bet."

"No, you won't! I will, datte—"

"_Why would a man give a woman a… symbolic vagina?!"_

Now the two of them are rapt with attention.

"_I don't know! Maybe because they're expecting something, right?"_

Naruto nearly laughed out loud at Itachi's face when he heard that line from Sakura. He was even tempted to barge into the room and laugh out loud at Sasuke face, but with the mood he had today, together with Sakura's shortening temper, he wouldn't be surprised if the hospital would be reduced to ashes.

"_I'm not interested in your goddamn vagina, if that's what you're worrying about!"_

Naruto gasped. "Oh, my. He did not just let free sex out of his grasp."

"_Are you saying that I'm unattractive?!"_

It suddenly became even more silent between Naruto and Itachi.

And with Sasuke and Sakura?

Well, let's just say that it's quite the opposite.

-

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* * *

-

-

_Women and their mood swings…_

Sasuke let out a sigh and looked up at the intricately-designed ceiling. Haruno Sakura was so difficult to decipher. One minute she was calm and actually talking to him for a change and the next, she's like an angry dragon deprived of a hundred years worth of sleep.

He raised an eyebrow at her as she stood up from her seat. "What?! I thought you didn't want me to… to think _that_?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you can call me ugly!"

"I never said you were ugly."

"You were thinking it."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Sakura… I came here to give you flowers and ask you out, not to argue with you on whether or not you are pretty."

Suddenly, she grinned at him, though he knew it was a mocking one. "Why, yes. I think it's the _sweetest_ thing anyone could do for me!" She grabbed the flowers from her desk and continued with a falsely sweet tone, "Oh, look! You brought my _favorite_! Flowers!"

Sasuke stared at her in disbelief. He didn't know if the girl had just eaten something poisonous or if she had banged her head hard on the wall. "Sakura, I know sarcasm when I hear it."

"Right." She dropped the act, the grin gone in an instant. "I know you're doing this to aggravate me, or maybe because Naruto told you to do so," There was a vague cough from somewhere outside the room but she ignored it. "but I won't let you do that, no matter how much you hate me."

"What the hell are you saying?" he cried in exasperation. To hell with his reputation! To hell with wasting his saliva, energy and oxygen. If it would put some sense into her mind. This girl was giving him a headache.

"Your imagination is just…" He trailed off, not knowing what words to use and then groaned in frustration.

_How thick-headed can this girl get?!_

Sakura threw the flowers into the trash bin, clapping her hands together to rid them of whatever dirt the flowers may have spoiled her hands with. "Well, I assumed that—"

"You assumed wrong." He let out another annoyed sigh.

"But—"

"What I said before… that's the truth."

Blink.

He took a step closer to her. "I came here to _ask you out_."

Blink.

Step.

"I came here to… _court_ you."

Blink.

Step. Step.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Step.

Sakura gulped upon noticing the distance between them, or _lack_ thereof. She could almost feel his hot breath fanning on her face and the heat radiating from his body and making its way to her skin. She also couldn't ignore the delicious scent that he seemed to exude, forcing her to let go of her hold of her self-control.

"Why…?" she breathed out, backing against the wall.

"Well, what can be other reasons for me to court you or ask you out?" he asked back after a very long look at her face. He knew she wanted him to say it, but it's not the way things are supposed to go. Besides… there were some suspicious presences lurking about.

He leaned closer, placing a hand against the wall beside her head. "I've been a coward, running away. But everywhere I went, you caught up with me. So I have to chase you back this time."

Sakura blinked, as if waiting for more, but Sasuke only blinked back, and both of them were frozen in their position.

The moment was _ruined_.

She fought the urge to fall over.

"That's it?" she asked bluntly.

"What else?"

She threw him a withering gaze. "You really are the living reincarnation of Frosty the Snowman."

Sasuke looked indignant. "I am not."

"Then I'm telling you now, you don't stand a chance with me."

He gaped at her and then rolled his eyes. "Annoying…" he muttered, sighing. "Look, what you want to hear, that's too much to expect from the _living reincarnation of Frosty the Snowman_."

"I have every valid reason to expect after being rejected millions of times before! And you're the one chasing me this time, so you better have the decency to at least say those three words to me. Maybe then, I'll spare you the trouble of courting m--"

"Fine. _I love you_, so shut up."

And he kissed her.

-

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* * *

-

-

"Hey, what do you know? I won our bet!"

"Sure you did." Itachi sighed, handing him ten thousand yen and some more extra money to spend for ramen.

He had stayed longer to witness something _nice_ and maybe take a couple more pictures for blackmailing purposes, but his enthusiastic companion had already pulled him away from the window.

And he was having fun with the camera too _(he's NOT pouting, okay?)_.

"Oh, yeah! Now I can take Hinata-chan out on a date. You've met Hinata-chan already, haven't you? She should be home soon. I'm going to visit her later."

Even though Itachi didn't respond, Naruto babbled on incessantly, ushering the older man away from Sakura's office.

But even before they got further away from her office, they heard a sound.

A sound of a doorknob twisting…

The door being slammed against the wall…

And Sasuke and Sakura's _(well, they think they were theirs, who else could they belong to?) _angry stomps.

Naruto turned around slowly, his hands still resting on Itachi's shoulders. "S-Sasuke-teme… Sakura-chan…"

He turned back to Itachi and shook him by the shoulders, whispering in a panicky voice, "Hey, hey, help me and calm your brother down!"

The older Uchiha smirked and then turned around to face his younger brother and his new girlfriend. "How'd you like to see the pictures I took?" He raised his hand that was holding a digital camera and titled his head to the side.

Sakura cradled her face in her hands, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Would you also like me to film the _consummation_ of your… well, I can't actually say 'marriage' yet so… your, hmm, relationship? I'd be willing to help."

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched, his knuckles cracked and his eyes narrowed in anger. "Run."

-

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* * *

A/N: Hmm. Maybe it's not as funny as I expected it to be, but I try. :D All of them are OOC, aren't they? Haha.

Sasuke's confession was to make up for the "I hn you" in my other fic, "The Single-Syllable I Love You" so, yeah… :P

Review and make me happy!

**Receiving prompts for future one-shots. :)**


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